The Cambridges b-day party will be more wholesome than Meghans b-day

The Duchess of Sussex turned 40 years old last August. She celebrated with her handsome husband and her two babies at home in Montecito. She didn’t commission delusional embiggening articles about how much she hates her in-laws. Brand Sussex is all about empowerment and positivity, so she obviously went in that direction. She made a cutesy video with Melissa McCarthy where she encouraged people to donate their time to mentorship. She wrote about how donating 40 minutes of mentorship can help change someone’s life, and she asked her friends to do it and whatever, it was cute. Salt Island was predictably enraged and nitpicky. The British media claimed Meghan “launched an initiative” (she did not) with “zero structure” (it was an idea meant to inspire others). The British media claimed mentorship doesn’t work anyway and Meghan’s project would actually HARM people. That’s how crazy they are.

I’m taking this stroll down memory lane because we’ve now seen how the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have handled their 40th birthdays. Like the narcissistic a–holes they are, William and Kate spent their birthdays commissioning PR pieces about how amazing they are and how they’re so much better than evil Meghan and Harry. William and Kate also plan to throw themselves a giant birthday party which will probably be full of Toffs, William’s side pieces and the handful of women who don’t threaten Kate’s mean-girl queen-bee vibe. Well, inevitably, there needs to be a comparison and the Keens must come out ahead:

It’s thought it was agreed William and Kate, who turned 40 earlier this year, should “celebrate their landmark birthdays in style”. And the Queen, 96, may join them and other senior royals at the bash – if she is feeling up to it. And Royal biographers believe it will be a stark contrast to how Meghan Markle celebrated her 40th.

In August last year the Duchess of Sussex launched a much-hyped 40th birthday campaign. Meghan asked A-listers including Adele and Stella McCartney, as well as members of the public, to donate 40 minutes of their time to “help women re-entering the workforce” for her 40×40 project. She promoted the initiative in a glitzy comedy video recorded at her home in exclusive Montecito. But last month The Sun revealed it has reportedly been quietly dropped – less than a year after it was launched.

Now Angela Levin, who has long been a critic of the duchess, believes William and Kate’s birthday will be much more “wholesome” than Meghan’s flashy affair. Speaking to The Sun she said: “The 40×40 campaign died a quiet death. Did Meghan really think she could have celebs solve all of women’s problems within 40 minutes? It’s ridiculous. William and Kate will be equals on their birthday. It won’t be about either of them, it’ll be about both of them. It will be very family-oriented and wholesome rather than ‘look at me’.”

Meanwhile, Royal commentator Phil Dampier claims that William and Kate will focus on a guest list filled with friends and family rather than glitzy celebs for show. He said: “As always I think the Queen will be telling William and Kate to start picking their guests as she did with their wedding. When they got married William was looking at the guest list and there were maybe 600 people and he said ‘I don’t know these people’. The Queen said to him ‘start with your friends – chuck it all away and start with everyone you know and work from there’. I’m sure it’ll be the same with this party.

“They’ll invite the people that actually mean something to them rather than who’s the biggest celeb they can get. They’ll bring the people they’re closest to, the people they work with, people from the charities they support.”

[From The Sun]

True story, at Will and Kate’s 2011 wedding, Carole Middleton invited completely random people from Bucklebury to “fill up” the Middleton-allotted seats. Will and Kate did invite their old school friends and the people they grew up with… because they didn’t know many celebrities. And because they couldn’t fill up the seats with coworkers and people from all of their charity work, because they didn’t work. Ever. I imagine it will be the same for their 40th birthday bash – as I said, Toffs and William’s friends and lovers. And I don’t know, I think asking your friends to mentor women is actually pretty wholesome? More wholesome than spending money like drunken sailors on a fourth home and a big birthday party while the global economy crashes. Today it’s “the Keens are not glitzy and that’s why they’re better than Meghan!” Tomorrow it will be “the Keens are so much glitzier than Meghan, Meghan must be so jealous of them!” Pick a struggle.

Photos courtesy of Archewell, Instar, Avalon Red.

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