Do you have a new crush? Summer, with its warm weather and beach hair, is the absolute best time for crushes, in my opinion. You may have met someone flying your kite (so whimsical) or drinking your eighth iced latte (so relatable), and maybe you even got their number. It can be nerve-racking to send a first text to a crush, but you’re ready for it — you just need a bit of a pump-up if you’re scared to text your crush first. Just like cheerleaders get the players ready to win, some mantras can get you ready to fight fight fight — I mean, text text text.
I struggled for years to text a crush first. I loved the idea of someone seeking me out to go on a date — that felt much more romantic. However, over time, I began to realize the people who sought me out got to pick me, but I didn’t necessarily get to pick them. When you text someone first, you get to choose your crush and go for it. After all, Bumble as a dating app exists to give women the chance to send the first message (although, for men and non-binary folks reading this, sending the first message on other apps is still totally fine). Being empowered to send the first text feels amazing, and I want to help you get there.
Read on to find nine mantras to repeat to yourself to get you excited to send the first text.
1. Meeting New People Is Fun
Even if your crush is seeing someone else or isn’t interested in dating right now, they might still be excited to hang out with you. Sending the first text can open the door to friendship, if not a romantic relationship, and your crush will be delighted you suggested it!
2. You Won’t Know Until You Try
Sure, people can give off clues that they’re interested in someone — body language says something, but not everyone expresses visible interest. The only way to find out for sure if your crush is interested is to text them. You won’t know until you try, so you might as well try!
3. Confidence Is Sexy
I get very turned on by a confident person. Someone who knows what they want and isn’t afraid to tell me — there’s nothing better. As long as you’re respecting your crush’s boundaries, putting yourself out there can demonstrate confidence, which very well could be sexy to them!
4. Texting First Is Efficient
I’ve wasted hours of my life waiting for someone to send the first text. When I take the reins and do it myself, I get to control my own time. I send the text and wait for a response, which usually comes within an hour or so (even if it’s a "no"). Instead of waiting days for someone to text, take back your own time! It can be efficient.
5. It’s Never Embarrassing To Send The First Text
It’s totally normal to be nervous, but let me ask you this: If a friend said to you, "I met someone, they asked for my number, and then texted me, ‘you seem really cool, want to hang out sometime’," are you embarrassed for that person? Or do they seem like a normal, confident human expressing interest? If your crush hasn’t done anything to already express a lack of interest, there’s nothing wrong with trying. Of course, you never want to make someone uncomfortable by repeatedly texting when they’ve asked you not to, but sending one opening text to someone you’ve met is totally OK.
6. Many People Are Shy
Your crush may very well but interested, but scared to show it. People are shy, and sending the first text is hard. So, take back control and send it yourself — if they’re shy but looking to get to know you, they may be so relieved you asked.
7. You’ll Feel Empowered To Keep Sending First Texts
Even if it doesn’t work out with your crush, you’ll know that you did it and didn’t die! Seriously, no one’s ever died from sending the first text. You’ll now have it as a skill, and you can use it to meet other people in the future.
8. You Control Your Love Life
Texting first allows you to take back control of your love life. Instead of waiting around and expending mental energy, you get to decide what you want. You don’t need to limit your dating pool to people who’ve expressed interest in you — you can express interest in them.
9. You’re Amazing
And who wouldn’t want to date you? If this person doesn’t want to go out with you for any reason, that’s honestly their loss, and you’ll find someone better.
Sending the first text to a crush can be terrifying. Watching those bubbles go up and down — it’s like a roller coaster without the long lines and $14 popcorn. It’s totally normal to be scared to send the first text, but you’re ready to do it. Repeat these nine mantras, take some deep breaths, and get ready to type. And no matter what — you’ll find someone incredible to be with (if you’re looking for a relationship), whether it’s this crush or not.
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