DEAR DEIDRE: A FORTNIGHT ago I had a wild night out and it ended with me having sex with a colleague who I have fancied for ages.
I have a loving partner but I can’t stop myself being excited by other men’s attention.
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My fiancé is an amazing man. He used to be my boss when I started working for his design team ten years ago.
He was then 41 and I was 21, so there is a big age gap. But he is so knowledgeable and talented, I fell for him and was thrilled when he suggested we have dinner.
I adore him and when we started to have sex it was like being in a film. I moved into his flat and life has been a dream. He has helped me develop as a person and in my career.
The only problem is that I keep cheating on him. The guy from work is just the most recent occasion. I’ve done it six times now.
This time was pretty typical. A group of us were celebrating landing a big contract. We went for drinks and the others faded away as they had to get home. Just this male colleague and I were left downing shots. He’s 29.
We have always got on well and I knew he had recently broken up with his girlfriend. He was drunkenly confiding in me and I — also drunk — said it wasn’t all wonderful for me at home either and that living with Mr Perfect can get boring. The upshot was I went back to his place.
We had sex, which started out feeling like uninhibited fun. But by the end, as I sobered up, felt sordid and dirty. I told him I’d better get back home and he ordered me a car.
My fiancé was asleep in bed when I got back.
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He is understanding about me needing to let my hair down sometimes but I don’t think he has any idea about me cheating.
I really want to stop doing this but my willpower only seems to last until the next night out.
I guess the coronavirus shutdown has put a stop to me cheating for now but I don’t want to slide back into my old, bad ways once we can socialise again. How can I develop some willpower?
DEIDRE SAYS: One quick and easy answer here – cut out the booze. Good for your health as well as your emotional wellbeing. Cheating can lead to grim complications.
Look more closely at your relationship. He may be a lovely guy but perhaps not so right for you now, or maybe you’ve got “stuck”.
You’ve been together for ten years and are engaged, so why no talk of a wedding? Are you ready to start a family now and he’s maybe dragging his feet?
Ask yourself those difficult questions and then explore the underlying issues with him.
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