My husband and I were supposed to be working on our sex life – but is he gay?

DEAR DEIDRE: I thought my new husband and I were working on our lack of intimacy, but I’ve discovered the real reason behind our poor sex life – he is most likely gay.

I am not one to snoop but there is plenty of evidence on his phone of random meetups, pictures of his genitals and even a long text message exchange with a friend of his from his gym.

For more advice from Dear Deidre

No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.

  • Dear Deidre on Mental Health
  • Dear Deidre on Identity  
  • Dear Deidre on Debt and Money 
  • Dear Deidre on Work
  • Dear Deidre on Health and Wellbeing 
  • Dear Deidre on Addiction

They were flirting and talking about their feelings and “seeing where it might lead”. My husband was telling this man how much he turns him on and how he loves to kiss and hold him.

I am 42 and my husband is 44. It is a second marriage for both of us.

We have been married for just over a year. Despite being married for such a short time, my husband and I are rarely intimate, which is an issue I thought we were working on.

I have a high sex drive and he knows that I’m feeling frustrated and rejected.

He has told me that he thinks he may just have a lower libido and wonders if his stressful job is affecting him. 

We get along well apart from this. We laugh a lot and we are good together, or so I thought.

My husband doesn’t know what I’ve seen on his phone.

What makes it worse is that his friend has been to our home on numerous occasions as a guest. He is a single guy in his late 30s.

I feel humiliated at the thought they are laughing at me behind my back.

I feel guilty about snooping and I don’t know how to confront him about it all. In a way, I think I’m waiting for him to bring it up himself.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to [email protected]

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Surely he doesn’t plan on leading this double life forever. 

I am devastated and confused about where we go from here.

Most read in Dear Deidre


I walked in on my wife and her stepbrother having sex in my garage


Should I leave my husband who couldn't care less for our son?


My daughter can't stop grunting and I'm worried it's Tourette's


I bought penis pills off the internet and I've been scammed as they don't work

DEIDRE SAYS: Stop fretting about him finding out you’ve looked at his phone. What he is doing is far worse. Whether gay, bi or straight he is cheating and is very much in the wrong. Brushing it under the carpet won’t work so you must raise it with him.

Without talking to him, you won’t know what he is thinking which leaves you trying to respond to a situation with an incomplete picture.

There is no way your marriage can survive without help. He is probably very unhappy and torn over his sexual feelings.

He may love you dearly, but if he has strong gay feelings they are not going to be wished away.Insist you get help together to see whether he can realistically promise to be faithful in future.

You need to know where you stand. Contact, 0207 380 1960, who have online help available.

NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE I've fallen for my colleague, but it's me versus her new guy

READ DEIDRE'S PHOTO CASEBOOK Luke's mistress wants him to pluck up the courage to leave Georgia

GET IN TOUCH How the page works and how to contact us

    Source: Read Full Article