A primary school head has asked parents to stop their kids watching Love Island , because pupils were rating each other on their looks and “coupling up”.
This is the first time any school kids have ever done anything like that. Pre-Love Island they were all fully focused on the national curriculum, and the national curriculum alone.
Aside from Love Island being blamed for everything that’s wrong in the world – usually by people who have never watched it – this head teacher is particularly wrong.
Love Island is highly educational. There are so many important lessons to learn from it, like:
To be patriotic
Love Island makes you proud to be British. The American version is currently bombing, because – without making any sweeping generalisations – the Yanks have no sense of humour, and take themselves far too seriously.
Okay, maybe that was a teeny bit of a sweeping generalisation, but let’s call it payback for Cup-Of-Tea-Gate at the Women’s Football.
A dentist watched the contestants brushing their teeth, and announced that they were doing it wrong.
When you have an electric brush, you don’t rub it back and forth, you hold it still on each tooth.
Never mind educational – Love Island has single-handedly saved the NHS, because now so many less of us will need dentures in the future.
Bros before hoes
Relationships with the opposite sex are important – but what you really need to get you through are good friendships.
If you don’t invest as much time and effort in them, you’ll come a cropper – as evidenced by Lucie, who shunned the girls and then had no shoulder to cry on when it all went wrong.
She also – more importantly, some might argue – had no one to suggest she apply a moisturising hair mask, urgently.
To be faux-losophical
If you’re ever in a tricky situation, struggling to know what to do or say, Love Island has provided the perfect get-out. The all-purpose saying “It is what it is”.
This phrase, although clearly entirely meaningless, has the twin benefits of sounding quite profound, and being unarguable with, so you will always come out on top.
Probably still best to walk away pretty quickly after saying it though.
To be honest
Bottling things up is bad – you need to express your feelings and be real about what’s going on in your head.
See: Amber, who never let Michael know how much she liked him, and then had to sit back and watch him couple up with the most basic woman ever born.
Mind you, Amber was always far too good for Michael anyway, so really not being honest was a good thing here.
But normally it isn’t.
Humour is all
Let’s not delude ourselves, Love Island doesn’t dispel any theories about looks being important – but it does prove they’re not everything.
Many hotties are history due to having zero bants.
And then Maura arrived, committed the double female crimes of being extremely beautiful and openly sexual, and immediately became the most hated woman in the country.
Then she came out with all of the best one-liners of the series, and now she’s the nation’s sweetheart.
Maura to win! Or for Prime Minister, actually. Well, we’re apparently just going on fame and entertainment value these days, so she’s as serious a contender as Boris.
There’s plenty more idiots in the villa = the new fish in the sea.
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